apology of the faithless

I’m sorry if I couldn’t believe

what I couldn’t see.

I only wanted to know

that what I loved was real, I wanted to touch

and I wanted to feel, I wanted to rest

my hand into a waiting palm

and press my lips

on a cheek pillow-marked from sleep.

Aren’t we

a little too old

to still believe in fairy-tales

and promises? I thought

it wouldn’t be fair

to you

to have you in my mind

like a caricature, a character unfoundedly

created

without sight, without scent, without touch

and effectually

without weight.

I don’t want

for you to be merely that. You deserve

much more.

So if I am without faith, then

be it so.

But I think, that it is better that way

than to be worshipping an idol

instead of the real god,

and loving a ghost

instead of the living.